I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
