his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
