We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
