I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
