I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
not ubering you a puppy
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
