I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
