I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
