If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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