It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
