she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
