i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
