he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
