she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
