Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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