He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
