Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
