16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
