Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
