Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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