Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
