i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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