i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
