The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
