so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
