No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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