Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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