My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
