it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
