Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
