we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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