I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
50% drunk capacity currently
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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