I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
