i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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