hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
