the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dick very happy bro
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
