he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
