you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
