hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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