i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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