How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
