You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
