I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
