I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's never too late to be topless.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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