I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
