just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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