period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
