I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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