there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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