Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
