so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
